Damien’s Heebie Jeebies

Dear Miss Snotty,

I have a short thing to ask you. What should I do when I see some girl in some spot, and find myself feeling quite the most uncomfortable feeling yet? I mean, I know it's terrible and all, but you know, right? Sure. I know for a fact that you've been a guy-magnet throughout most of your life… speaking of which, I'm trying to get rid of you right now.

 
Well, that's my entire letter. Oh, and I think I saw you somewhere today. I just thought… were you somewhere along the Podium?

Pulling the off switch,

Damien

 i know for a fact that you've been a guy-magnet throughout most of your life… 

This is quite insulting, young man. If little boys were ever attracted to me (because after all I'm still quite young), it was because they wanted my ass in a bad way. In a I'm-gonna-sock-your-jaw-if-you-don't-give-me-back-my-yoyo kind of bad way, if you know what I mean. So stuff that. I don't have much of a love life right now AT ALL, and I had a pathetic excuse for one back then. Long story. Needs beer and two teaspoons of MSG to get that out of me poor little broken black heart. 

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Reigh’s Shiznit

Ms Snotty dearest, 

 
My problem, my first and foremost personal problem is that I have a tendency to make problems out of things that need not be made in to a problem in the first place. Basically, I'm paranoid. I'm paranoid and extremely freaked out about things most normal people wont bother asking themselves. My paranoia goes like this, I feel that I'm always followed, I feel that I'm always in danger, and I always feel something really bad might happen to the people I care about. Obviously this isn't normal so what should I do?
 
truly yours,
reighben-kins

It's normal. It's more normal than a man sucking another man's cock while wearing purple floral panties. A lot of people get to feel like that eventually, because we are so very mortal and so very frail—we may take our own good time to realize that, but we get there, and you are not the only one.

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